All I want is to Sleep
by rottweiler-nappy
Summary: Sakura's POV-- when she can't sleep at the girl's room she decided to look somewhere else to sleep but only to find the worst. Now she got to find a room with lesser evils... Sorry... not good with summaries
1. Of Sleeping and Bad Habits

_**I. Of sleeping and bad habits.**_

"Hey forehead girl! Not sleepy yet?"

Haruno Sakura ignored Yamanaka Ino, it has been a very happy day at the beach and not even the pig-girl's cheap shots can sour her good mood. It was very exhausting yet everyone had a one hell of a time! The weeklong vacation at the Shiawase Beach Resort was a bonus from the Konoha government to the young nins, as every single one of them had shown impressive abilities, so naturally, where the students go the teachers go too!

"Say, what _are_ you doing Sakura?" Kurenai-sensei said with a puzzled tone. She saw the jutsu pocketbook before the pink-haired kunoichi and smiled. " We are on vacation Sakura, kick those books away for a moment before you hurt yourself!" the beautiful jounin said with a grin.

" Kurenai's right, even _we_ are taking a time off from everything…" Anko added. " Oof!" she finished, as she stuffed her wet bikini inside a plastic bag.

" Eewww, Anko-sensei. Is that the way you handle your stuff?" Ino snorted.

Anko rolled her eyes. " Hey, Kurenai. Which one will you take? The shower or the tub?" the snake-lady asked as she pulled her toiletries out of her bag.

" I've had enough of dipping today, I'll take the shower."

" Well that means the tub is all mine!" Anko said, sprinting for the bathtub.

_Dipping all right._ Sakura thinks, Kurenai sent the whole resort to frenzy when she revealed her naughty swimwear (imagine only bandages covering her privies!) early that day, to the delight of the bunch of perverts!

"Lights off!" Tenten squealed before flipping the switch, Sakura flicked the desk lamp to life. She pored over her pocketbook while Tenten and Ino engaged in a pillow fight.

" Sleep early girls!" Kurenai called before before disappearing inside the bathroom.

" Say Tenten, why don't we put cream all over Hinata's face?" Ino said, mischief glinting in her eyes. Pointing to a dozing Hyuuga Hinata.

" I dunno, don't think it will be a good idea." Tenten replied awkwardly, pulling her pillow back.

Ino grinned. " AS I THOUGHT! YOU WON'T DO IT COS SHE'S NEJI'S COUSIN!!!"

Tenten screamed as she lunged at cackling Ino. " Don't say it so loud! They might hear us!"

"They? You mean _him_?"

Tenten blushed furiously then whacked Ino repeatedly with her pillow.

It took awhile before the room became quiet. Sakura felt her eyelids getting heavier; she decided to call it a day. She tucked the book in her bag before proceeding to her place beside Hinata. Sakura was about to jump into bed when she saw something that froze her.

_Hinata_. She was wearing nothing but panties!

" What!?!" Sakura said in disbelief

_Inner Sakura sez_: _"Hey!!! We could use some steamy summer night girl-to-girl action!"_

"This is ridiculous!" Sakura thought, panic rising in her throat, "No way will I sleep beside a girl wearing nothing but panties!"

_Inner Sakura sez: " White, comfy, cotton panties with enough room to move around!"_

" Damn, I'll just squeeze between Tenten and Ino." She sighed.

But it was worse; Tenten was talking in her sleep and moves about every minute! Ino on the other hand was snoring like a lawnmower and is drooling so much she has puddles on her pillow!

" Sasuke-kun, don't…don't stop!" Sakura heard Ino moaned in her sleep.

"Sakura?" Kurenai said softly. Sakura almost leapt a mile high in surprise.

" Oh, Kurenai-sensei?"

" Not going to sleep yet? We have loads of activities for tomorrow."

Sakura hung her head. " I was about to, but…" Sakura said, pointing to an almost naked Hinata.

" Oh!" Kurenai exclaimed, and then giggled. " She has that habit, even with an air-condition turned on." Kurenai went to her bed then nonchalantly whipped off her robe. She had nothing underneath.

Sakura's jaw hit the floor.

" So the smart one wanted to study all the way to morning." It was Anko, wiping her head with a towel. She noticed Sakura looking at a totally naked Kurenai lying on the bed with her mouth hanging wide open. " Can't help it kid, it was hot." Anko threw the covers off, Sakura heard her jump into her bed.

_Tenten is a sleep-talker._

_Ino snores like storm._

_Hinata sleeps with nothing but panties on._

_Kurenai sleeps with nothing on._

" Hey kid, turn-off the desk lamp would you?"

Sakura slapped her forehead then turned to face Anko but was shocked!

" Hmmm? Cat got your tongue kid?"

Anko is another naked sleeper.

Sakura squinted her eyes to see in the dark corridor.

" Darn it!" She spat in disgust. How can I get some rest if I'm surrounded with that kind of people? How very unlady-like!" She made her way to the lobby, what she just saw made her last meal seem like eons ago.

" Hey watch it!" someone said, irritably. It was Temari of the Sand.

" Oh sorry."

" Everyone's asleep?" Temari asked as she made her way towards the girl's room.

Sakura nodded. Then a thought hit her; can Temari handle such a sight?

The Konoha lass spun around, but it's too late, she heard the doorknob clicked shut.

" Oh well."

Sakura picked up the can of soda from the vending machine, popped it open then gulped the contents down.

" At least that brought the taste back in my mouth." she sighs.

She was about to eat her hamburger when she heard voices, familiar ones, talking just behind the screen before her.

" It was the sand-nins!" Sakura thinks, " They are talking about the girl with the huge fan!"

" At least I won't see it for the next seven days…the last time I saw her like that I can't eat for the whole week." Sakura heard Kankuro's voice said.

The other one didn't answer, but looking at the silhouettes behind the screen she knew instantly Kankuro was talking to Gaara.

Intrigued, Sakura inched closer to the screen, straining her ears.

" Some people are scared of Temari when she's awake, but they never got to know what kind of a monster she becomes when she falls asleep."

"Monster?" Sakura hissed under her breath.

Gaara and Kankuro blinked as Sakura burst from behind the screen. Forehead bristling she grabbed Kankuro by the collar of his Hawaiian shirt.

" What kind of monster she becomes when she's asleep!?!"

Kankuro looked at her emerald eyes then grinned savagely.

A sweat trickled down Sakura's temple. She scanned the wide expanse of the lobby, and saw that not a soul was up, perhaps exhausted from the long day of merriment. A lump formed in her throat as a realization dawned on her.

" A betrayal of the Sand again! The Fifth had been too trusting."

Her eyes looked at the grinning puppeteer and his eyebrow-less, murderous brother.

" I'm at the disadvantage here. There are two of them and if they attack me there are no witnesses…"

A horrific vision flashed before Sakura's eyes; that of a monster happily dismembering its victims; two naked jounin, a half-naked Hyuuga, a drool-covered pig-girl and a sleep-talking walking pocket.

Sakura jumped a few paces back and grabbed a fork from the nearest table.

" I may not be as strong but…" she stammered painfully, "…but I won't die easily!"

The Sand brothers blinked in disbelief.

Kankuro scratched his head.

" The hell you're talking about leaf brat?"


	2. Another Monster from Sand

_**II. Another monster from the Sand?**_

Sakura's eyes grew round as saucers.

" This. Is. Not happening."

Gaara slurped as he drank his orange juice.

" Heh." Kankuro peered at Sakura from behind his soda can. " She may not look like it but once the sandman comes…all hell breaks lose."

_Tenten is a sleep-talker._

_Ino snores like storm._

_Hinata sleeps with nothing but panties on._

_Kurenai and Anko sleep with nothing on._

**Temari does all of it.**

" Consider yourself lucky if she doesn't take her panties off…" Kankuro added.

Gaara flinched, and then gave out a chuckle.

Sakura slammed her hands on the table so hard that the patties jumped off the burgers.

" Hey watch it forehead girl! You're ruining my midnight snack!"

" YOU MEAN I WON'T HAVE A DECENT SLEEP FOR THE NEXT SEVEN DAYS!?!" Sakura shrieked.

" Well, you can hang out with Gaara here." Kankuro said, pursing his lips together.

" I have insomnia." Gaara revealed, a smirk playing on his face.

" Have a midnight stroll in the beach, Gaara builds nice sand castles you know…"

" And more than just that…" Gaara interrupted coldly, "I can do mausoleums, tombstones, funeral pyres…but you know what is my favorite? Coffins…"

" Stop." Sakura said with a wave of her hand. With a final sigh, she left the table and stormed off towards the dormitories.

" Hey! We're trying to help you out!" Kankuro called after her.

Sakura paced back and forth in the darkened lobby. She could hear a gentle snore emanating from somewhere. She felt herself growing envious.

" Lucky crap!" She thinks. The humid air combined with the relaxed atmosphere made Sakura even drowsier.

Not wanting to go back to the lobby, she found her feet dragging her towards the airy balcony.

" Maybe I can get some sleep there…" Sakura murmured to herself.

The screen doors leading to the balcony was open.

" Who's staying up this late?"

She cracked the sliding door open.

Sprawled on a snug rug on the balcony floor, wearing only his briefs and his head propped on a huge sake gourd was a drunken Jiraiya.

Poor Sakura was petrified!

The 1/3 of the Sannin lifted his head weakly and stared at the pink-haired gennin.

" You came at last! My little, sweet geisha girl!" Jiraiya exclaimed dreamily.

"EEEEEEKKKKK!!!" " HOKAGE-SAMA!!!" Sakura screamed as she tore across the corridor.

Then a thought hit Sakura. " I'll stay at Hokage-sama's room!!!"

Sakura squinted her eyes, peering at every room number.

" No. 7, No. 7…" The snore she heard a while ago seems to get louder and louder with every step. It made Sakura even more determined to get her goodnight's sleep!

" Oh here it is…Oh no." Sakura finally found the Fifth and Shizune's room but was aghast.

" Oh God. Oh God."

The snore was coming from the Fifth's room! 

From the gentle drone she heard earlier, it now sounds as if a whole cascade of waterfall was just behind the door!

Sakura hung her head in defeat.

A scream tore into the night.


	3. Sleeping with Jounins

III. Sleeping with Jounins 

" Sakura…chan?" a familiar voice called.

Sakura spun around and she never thought she'd ever be this happy just to see Hatake Kakashi!

" Sensei!" She said in relief as she ran towards her silver-haired instructor.

" Pulling the hours?" he said in a lazy tone.

Sakura could not help but laugh her heart out when she saw Kakashi's mask, it was adorned with prints of coconut trees.

" What's with that thing?" She asked, pointing at the mask.

" Oh this, it's summer so I figured it may be in style…Now what are you yelling about?"

Sakura poured out her predicament.

"…so that's why I'm out here, running all over the place looking for somewhere I can have a good night's sleep."

Kakashi did not answer, which led Sakura to wonder if he had been listening at all.

" Sensei?"

Kakashi shifted.

" You mean to say…Kurenai and Anko sleep…naked?"

"Y…yes?"

" Do they have nice bodies?"

"SENSEI!?!"

Kakashi chuckled. Sakura wrinkled her nose; he has a faint smell of alcohol.

The copy nin chuckled anew, then made a few steps forward. He looked back at Sakura.

" Guess I have no choice but to take you in, come." Kakashi said, as he motioned Sakura to follow him. Sakura gave out a sigh of relief.

Sakura and Kakashi stood before the door. The jounin was rummaging through his pockets.

" Oi, Kakashi-sensei. Open the door already."

Kakashi spun around.

" Sakura-chan!" he said merrily.

Sakura's eyebrow rose.

" Seems to me like I lost the key to the room! But don't panic! Lemme see…so the grooves inside the knob are situated at an angle…" Kakashi said, his voice as if in dream. Sakura watched as her sensei examined the doorknob, humming softly to himself, to the tune he usually hums whenever he's got his head buried in one of those Icha Icha Paradise volumes.

" I get it! I know how to open the door!"

With a loud poof, Kakashi disappeared in a cloud of smoke; Sakura heard a click from inside. Within moments, the door swung open revealing a beaming Kakashi.

" Sensei." Sakura said with a frown. " I thought you would use Henge and transform into a key…"

Inside the coconut-adorned mask, Kakashi was smiling.

" I would if I am a gennin!" Kakashi then stepped aside and motioned Sakura to come in. " Welcome to our humble abode." He quickly disappeared inside.

Sakura softly closed the door, and then proceeded to take off her sandals. As she sat massaging her feet, she heard Kakashi talking to someone.

"Fine with me…anything you say Kakashi!" said Asuma's voice.

" You're a very good man Asuma!" came a happy answer..

Sakura heard Asuma chuckled.

" You lost the bet!"

" I lost it on purpose, so I can drink all that beer!"

"Men and their games." Sakura thought helplessly as she shook her head. She stood up and yawned, her body anticipating the chance to have a rest.

" Good evening, Asuma-sensei. Thanks for letting me stay with you guys for the night…" Sakura began, her head bowed low.

"Oh! It's nothing. You're very welcome to share our space!" Asuma replied cheerfully.

A smell made Sakura's nose twitch.

" Could it be…cigarettes!?!" she thought, panic rising.

Sakura looked up, and the drowsiness enveloping her was quickly snuffed out.

Asuma sat on a rocking chair, his hairy legs propped on a nearby table. He was wearing nothing but boxers. Between the fingers of his left hand was a glowing cigarette while his right hand was massaging a muscular, yet VERY hairy chest.

" Make yourself at home, Sakura-chan!" Kakashi said as he made his way out of the bathroom. Gone was the coconut mask, replaced by one with a crescent moon and stars. He took off his sandals then scratched the soles of his feet and the spaces between the toes, all the while humming with pleasure.

" Eeewww." Sakura thought to herself.

" Have you seen a man strip before you Sakura-chan?" Kakashi asked.

" Ahm…my dad?"

Kakashi smiled. " Then you wouldn't mind…I'll just change into my nighty night clothes…" as he quickly began to disrobe himself.

Sakura quickly covered her eyes.

" Tell me if you're done Kakashi-sensei!" Sakura said, her voice shaking.

" It's ok I'm done. Oi Iruka, move. You're in my space."

Sakura took her hands off her eyes and forced them open.

_I think it's better if I have stayed in our room._

Kakashi stood on a futon; wearing nothing but a T-brief (think T-back for boys) he is nudging a pajama-clad Iruka with a foot.

" Oi Iruka, move. You're in my space." The copy nin repeated.

The kunoichi's mouth felt very dry all of a sudden!

Kakashi continued to nudge Iruka yet the chuunin did not budge.

" Try to kick him." Asuma joked.

Kakashi gave Iruka a gentle kick, but this time his foot was caught.

" Oi, Asuma. He's got me." Kakashi said lazily. " Hmm? Oh, hehehee…this tickles…"

Sakura looked down and was mortified in her tracks.

Iruka was sucking Kakashi's big toe! 

" You can have the sofa Sakura-chan." Kakashi said, but to Sakura, his voice seemed life years away!

" And don't mind Gai…"

Sakura froze when she heard the name.

" Where. Is. Gai. Sensei?"

" I'm right behind you young woman!"

Sakura felt the bones in her neck creaking; she braced herself for another shocking sight.

_Oops. Spoke too soon. _

" Hi there young woman!" Gai was lying on the bed on his front side, he is looking up at Sakura and a glint can be seen on his pearly white choppers. He is as naked as a newborn baby!.

_Inner Sakura sez: Cute ass Gai-sensei! Makes me wanna bite it!_

Sakura's face was redder than her pink hair!

" You're blushing my dear!" Gai exclaimed. " I can't blame you." He added, eyes brimming with tears. " I myself get so mesmerized by my own beauty that I am looking forward to taking a bath!!!"

" Uhuh…" Kakashi said. Asuma gave the copy nin a wink.

Sakura was too stunned to speak.

" But how very rude of me!" Gai boomed. " A beautiful lady was before me wishing to behold my naked glory and all I can show is my backside!!! Oh the shame! Here, Sakura-san, discover why I am called Konoha's Beautiful Green Beast!!!"

Shrieking her head off, Sakura made a mad dash out of the room!


	4. Super Gaara!

IV. Super Gaara! 

Panting heavily, Sakura pressed herself against a wall, all the while cursing her fate.

" This is no vacation…this is hell." Tears are welling in her eyes.

" AHA! There you are! My little geisha girl!!!" Jiraiya bellowed.

Sakura screamed in horror as the perverted hermit sprinted towards her, bouncing in a drunken manner, the jewels jiggling excitedly inside the black brief.

" EEEEEYAHHHH!!!" Sakura screamed anew as she ran away, flailing her arms wildly.

" Gotcha!!!" Jiraiya shouted as he wrapped his big arms around the gennin. Shrieking and kicking wildly, Sakura drove an elbow deep into the sannin's groin!!! Jiraiya painfully collapsed in a heap.

" Just my type! My geisha girl wants some good ol' summer S&M!!!"

In her fright, Sakura jumped inside the very first open room she found.

" Am I back inside Kakashi-sensei's room?" A naked Gai is suddenly harmless compared to a drunken Jiraiya in briefs! Sakura gasped as her nose picked another scent. It smells like a bunch of sweaty feet. She quickly looked around and found the source…an untidy pile of sandals stacked in a corner.

Her eyes rolled in exasperation. " Great, now I'm inside the boy's room!" from the look of things, it is not very encouraging. Sakura decided to go outside.

" Here my little geisha girl! I have something for you! SWEET BALLS!"

" Maybe not." Sakura sighed in defeat. "OH!!!!"

_If this is the boy's room, then that means…that means…my SASUKE-KUN is here!!!_

Wild and erotic thoughts raced in Sakura's mind. Sasuke, wrapping his arms around her, whispering sweet nothings in her ears, kissing her from head to foot, reaching for her…

" Oh Sasuke-kun, you naughty boy!!!" Sakura giggled, her face, a varying shade of red.

With a devilish grin, Sakura locked the door.

She found Sasuke all right, but the sleeping Uchiha is not an arousing sight.

Uchiha Sasuke is in his pajamas, but he is punching and kicking and making seals while sleeping!

" Itachi!!! Sasuke screamed then unleashed another flurry of punches.

" I wonder how hara-kiri feels like…" Sakura hear herself say.

Uzumaki Naruto otherwise is not a welcoming sight…with every snore Shadow Replicas pop out and disappear whenever the real one wheezes.

" Everyone's hopeless…" Sakura thoughtlessly murmured, visions of seppuku seemed like heaven…

Akamichi Choji was a disgusting slab of drool, chips and sweat. There was a space next to him and Sakura, almost like a zombie at this point was about to jump into it but decided against it. Nara Shikamaru was nearby, and not only does he moan Shougi strategies in his sleep, Sakura saw his Shadow Imitation extending with every breath.

Sakura envisioned herself getting trapped in Shikamaru's jutsu and couldn't do anything while the Akamichi tub of lard smothered her…

" I wanna walk all the way back to Konoha…" she groaned.

" SAKURA-SAN!!!"

The kunoichi jumped in fright as a naked Rock Lee stretched his arms towards her! She closed her eyes and braced for the disgusting impact. Instead, she heard a muffled sound as Gai's favorite student slumped into his futon. He is sleeping.

" Oh God…Oh God!!!" Sakura cried as she ran inside the bathroom. She sat beside the throne and buried her head on her knees. She is on the verge of sleeping when she hears someone whimpering. Sakura opened her eyes and saw Inuzuka Kiba crawling on all fours.

She glared at him sleepily.

Kiba was still whimpering as he pulled down his shorts, raising a leg, he was about to relieve himself on the tiled wall when…

" STOP!!! STOP IT!!!" Sakura shrieked as he tried to pull Kiba up.

" Here is the bowl! Pee in here!!!" she screamed.

Kiba was still whimpering as he peed, but his twig and berries was not pointing in the right way and yellow pee was spraying in all directions!!!  
" Oh GOD!!!" Not wanting to take a bath in urine, Sakura made a split-second decision!

She shut her eyes tightly. Her hand shot out, grabbed Kiba's weapon and pointed it straight to the bowl!

" Oh SHIT!!!SHIT!!!WHAT THE HELL DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS!!!" Sakura shouted, tears flowing from her eyes in disgust and shame.

Kiba had already gone into bed but Sakura was still washing her hand for the umpteenth time. Her lips quivering, she slowly raised her "infected" hand to her nose and sniffed…

" AAARGHHH!!!" she shrieked, burying her head on the bowl and vomited for …well, the umpteenth time!

After what seemed like eternity, Sakura emerged from the bathroom. She is now starting to look like Gaara, what with those black rings circling her eyes!

Sakura strode across the room in a daze; she was completely oblivious to her surroundings.

Suddenly.

A SPACE BESIDE NEJI!

The Konoha lass inched cautiously and watched. The Hyuuga seemed behave and was curled with his face away from her. After examining Neji for a few more minutes…

" Finally! Someone with no weird sleeping habits!" Sakura dove into the empty futon and smiled. " I wouldn't mind sleeping beside Neji, he's as hot as Sasuke." She admitted, giggling. As she wrapped her legs around a pillow, Sakura felt Neji shifting his position beside her.

" I wonder how he looks when he is sleeping? Hyuuga Neji is really cute if not only for those Byakugan eyes he has…"

Sakura quietly spun around…and froze.

Hyuuga Neji sleeps with his eyes open.

" Stop screaming!!!" A slap brought Sakura back to her senses. She looked around, all the boys are still sound asleep.

Kankuro glared at her, " Get up, you're in my space."

Sakura willingly stood up, but as she looked up, her eyes caught something that shocked her again.

Aburame Shino, sound asleep but crawling up the wall.

She looked at Kankuro and was surprised to discover that the sand puppeteer has already dozed off!

" Hey!" Sakura said, as she shook Kankuro awake.

" What the…I'm trying to sleep here!!!"

" Help Shino! A spirit possesses him! Look! He's crawling up the wall!"

Kankuro stared with mouth wide-open, and then dove under the futon covers. In seconds, he was snoring like a jackhammer.

A sand tentacle shot towards Shino and pulled him down, he fell on the floor with a dull thud.

" Watch it! You might hurt him!" Sakura exclaimed at Gaara.

The insomniac sand nin ignored her and slumped on a corner.

" Bugs…the bugs are carrying him away…" Kankuro moaned in his sleep.

Sakura sat on the carpeted floor and embraced a pillow. She stared in space as she pondered the concept of karma and wondered if she had been a very bad person.

"…_and now the sound-nins are making their way across the plains of the wind country…the sand-nins are overwhelmed but not afraid. The Sand Castle was surrounded…can they handle the assault? It's time to call on…_"

Sakura heard this voice in her dream. She heard a drum roll and the people cheering.

"…**_SUPER GAARA!!!_**"

Sakura's eyes burst open and it was not a dream!!! She had fallen asleep but the voice she heard was real.

" This is not real."

Sand was covering Gaara's futon, but numerous shapes were molded on top of it. Detailed nins made of sand were assaulting a magnificent sand castle, and killing the invading force was a minute, detailed and caped-draped Gaara figure!!!"

" You're still playing at your age?"

The sand playground melted away.

" What's it to you?" Gaara snapped, blushing.

" I never thought you had it in you."

" Hehee…they never wanted to play with me…I've been a very good boy…" Gaara hissed menacingly. Sand was gushing out of his gourd in torrents.

The kunoichi gulped the lump in her throat.

" Hey easy…" Sakura said nervously, " You go play with your sand while I go to sleep and pretend I did not see anything!"

" Pretend?" Gaara asked, fury flickered in his dull eyes. " But still you've seen what you shouldn't have seen. I don't want anyone to know my secret…"

The sand began to crawl towards Sakura, the kunoichi leapt to her feet in fright.

" No one shall know about it! No shall know about it!" Gaara was now screaming and his sand was now forming into twisted arm-like shapes!

" EEEEYAAAHHH!!!" Sakura shrieked as she leapt towards an open cabinet! She slammed the door shut. She felt a strong impact as the sand hit the cabinet with force!

" Oh God…" Sakura cried inside as she held her legs close to her, "…all I wanted is to sleep…"

Outside, Gaara's anger has subsided…he is panting as he surveyed the sand covered cabinet. With a smirk, he pulled the sand back to his gourd.

" No one shall know my secret." Gaara muttered. " No one must know about Super Gaara!!!"


	5. Weapons Competition

V. A weapons competition! 

Sunlight was streaming inside the cabinet. Sakura squinted her eyes. It was morning and she had fallen asleep! And in one piece! She heaved a sigh of relief and stretched her arms. Sakura felt some activity outside the cabinet.

" Where did I put my towel…very troublesome…" Shikamaru's voice said. He pulled the cabinet door open, and stared at Sakura in surprise.

And a stunned Sakura stared back!!!

From inside the cabinet, she had a very good view of the room and everyone in it and everyone in the room are NAKED!!!

"…" Sakura felt her world collapse around her.

" Very troublesome, you women. First you nag me then you sneak in to see me naked…very, very troublesome." Shikamaru spat irritably, shaking his head.

Everything was now a blur to Sakura…the world was plunging into darkness and her sanity was slowly ebbing away. Suddenly, out of the chaos, a luminous god in all his nakedness shone before her!!!

Uchiha Sasuke looked at her calmly.

" Sa…suke-kun," Sakura looked away and blushed. She felt overwhelmed being in the presence of a naked Sasuke. This is the stuff that made her dreams! This is the stuff that inspires her! The stuff that gives her the strength to move on amidst life's tribulations…

" Sakura…" she heard the Uchiha wonder-kid say.

" Yes? My Sasuke-kun?" replied Sakura's voice, shaking in excitement.

" You are really…"

" Really what? Sasuke-kun?"

" IRRITABLY ANNOYING!!!"

Sakura was shocked as Sasuke quietly strode away from her.

" SAKURA-SAN!" Lee shouted, Sakura could see the muscles in his body ripple in agitation. " How can this be? You, in my room and me, before you with nothing on!!!" Tears began to stream from his round eyes.

"This is the stuff that made my dreams! This is the stuff that inspires me! The stuff that gives me the strength to move on amidst life's tribulations! Oh but it's too soon! Too soon! We could have waited for marriage!"

That brought Sakura back to her senses. She is about to open her mouth in retaliation when Lee held out a hand to her.

" Don't speak." He sobbed. " This is what Gai-sensei was telling about! Youth and our reckless mistakes!!! GAI-SENSEI!!!GAI-SENSEI!!!" His shiny bowl-cut bobbing, Rock Lee ran out of the room.

" Heheehee!"

Sakura turned and saw Uzumaki Naruto giggling mischievously.

" Wait! It's not what you think!" she snapped.

" Not really." Naruto said, wiping his nostrils. " I know why you came here Sakura-chan!"

The kunoichi glared at the fox kid.

" You came to see this!!!" Naruto exclaimed as he gyrated his naked hips, his weapon bouncing up and down.

" EEEEYAAHHH!!!" Sakura screamed. She intend to run, to throw herself off some high cliff…but somehow, her feet felt riveted to the spot.

" Enjoying the show?" Naruto said. " Well, there's plenty more with it came from! Kage Bunshin No Jutsu!!!"

In a flash, numerous naked Naruto were before her! They began to assemble in a pyramid formation with their backsides pointing at Sakura. The real one scrambled up the peak and grinned.

" Hidden Jutsu! Uzumaki Naruto: Triangle of Seduction!"

In unison, the real Naruto and his copies on the floor began to gyrate and do some dirty dancing!!!

" What's all this fuss about!?" a dominant voice boomed. Naruto stopped dancing and looked in the direction of the voice.

Hyuuga Neji emerged from the bathroom.

" Very troublesome." Shikamaru began. " The kunoichi with no definite skill sneaked in our room."

Upon hearing this, Neji's hand quickly reached for a towel…and covered his forehead.

" AHHH!!!" Naruto screamed while his replicas disappeared. "Covering that stupid seal before your dick! Have you no shame you bastard?" he added, pointing at the smirking, Hyuuga genius.

" Be ashamed of what? I have stunning hair, a body any woman on her right mind will die for and my dick is definitely BIGGER and LONGER than anyone in this room!" Neji announced proudly.

" Why you smart-ass, white-eyed bastard!!!"

All the guys reacted furiously to that boast. Shikamaru pulled out a ruler to settle things once and for all!

" Shame on you boys!" an angry voice shouted. They all strained their eyes to see and all the color drained out of Sakura when she saw a huge turtle inside the room!

The turtle gave all of them a death stare. " How dare you talk about beauty!?! You know nothing!?! I'll show you what real beauty is all about! The perfection molded in flesh and blood!!! Young men! And…er young woman, are you ready!? Here goes!!!"

A huge explosion rocked the room! When the smoke cleared up, Gai-sensei stood proudly atop the reptile in his crane stance, he still has his birthday suit on!

Sakura shrieked all the air out of her lungs and slammed the cabinet door shut.

" I think I just lost my appetite for the whole year…" she whimpered inside.

Gai-sensei's teeth shone as he surveyed the room with pride.

" I see. A weapons competition!!!" He gave a thumbs-up sign. " Let the games begin!!!"

" But Gai-sensei…what about Sakura…" Lee interrupted.

" FOOL!!!" Gai bellowed as he gave Lee a straight left. The poor gennin tumbled on the floor.

" Gai-sensei…" Lee looked up, his swollen cheek drenched in tears.

" Don't speak Lee." Gai said, his voice cracking. " Youth and doubt goes together! But you can only prove yourself worthy of the love you're seeking once you've vanquished all the rivals that stood in your way!!!"

Gai pointed to his favorite student, then glared at the other gennins.

" Lee, accept the challenge. Show them how mighty your weapon is!!!"

Overwhelmed by his sensei's encouragements, Lee burst onto tears!

" Gai-sensei!!!"

" Lee!"

" GAI-SENSEI!!!"

" LEE!!!"

" The hell…" Shikamaru sighed as he watch the naked pair hugging each other.

" Let the games begin!!!"

" OSU!!!"

" Hey where the hell do you think you're going!?!" Naruto shouted, pointing to Sasuke. He has just pulled his shorts up.

Sasuke smirked.

" I have no interest in childish games…"

Naruto's eyebrow twitched. Then he crossed his arms and laughed aloud.

Sasuke was irritated with this outburst.

" Why are you laughing, dobe?"

" Hah!!! You're afraid you'll end up with the smallest dick here don't you?"

" WHAT THE HELL!?!" Sasuke cried, veins popped out of his forehead.

" Don't let his mental attacks fool you, Sasuke." Kakashi calmly said.

" Wha…" Naruto snapped, surprised at the sudden appearance of the masked jounin.

" Oi, Kakashi-sensei you're playing favorites again!!!"

" Am I?" Kakashi said, looking at Naruto lazily. " I didn't intend you guys to become perverted animals, comparing your…uh, penises with others."

" So what makes you think you're a cut above all of us?" Gai replied, his teeth gnashing in fury. " My eternal rival, you're a big fool if you don't think I am not watching you. You are always late, visiting your dead comrades…always burying your head in one of those dirty novels…'

" You won't go in there, Gai." Kakashi eyed Gai dangerously.

" I have been thinking and was able to come to a conclusion…the novel was a diversion!!!" Gai announced.

All eyes stared at Kakashi. Even Sakura cracked the cabinet door open so she can see what is going on.

" A diversion, you want to people to see you reading dirty novels so they won't notice your small prick!"

" SHUT UP GAI!!!" Kakashi bellowed. Sasuke and Naruto looked at their sensei in disbelief.

The copy nin was now shaking in fury!

" You'll regret this Gai!" Kakashi snapped as he quickly jumped out of his pants.

Gai waved a hand at him.

" Are you sure you're up to the challenge? Hatake Kakashi?"

Kakashi smiled inside the mask.

" If I lose, I won't wear this thing ever again!!!" pointing to his mask

Gai felt his blood boil!!!

" You're so hip Kakashi!!! That's right! Flaunt it while it still has the freshness of youth! You'll only live in regret once you're old and your weapon is wrinkled!!!"

" And who told you that old men have wrinkled dicks?"

Sakura gasped. " I know that voice!"

Naruto jumped into the air in joy!

" GO! Show 'em what you got Ero-sennin!!!

" Now I'll show you why I AM sannin." Jiraiya said, winking at Naruto.

" Very well." Gai said.

" Wait." Kakashi interrupted. " How long will you watch us Asuma."

Asuma chuckled.

" I'm fine here."

" No you're not." Shikamaru snapped. " All you do was chuckle all day, maybe your dick is so small it's all covered up with hair."

A vein twitched just above Asuma's eyebrow.

" What…did…you…say?" He pointed a shaking finger at his chuunin student. " Well I'll bet yours is so lazy it won't even stand up!"

Shikamaru let out a sigh. " Troublesome…"

Now it was Asuma shaking in fury.

" Everyone's in…there is no escaping this. Sasuke, take off your pants." Kakashi said.

" Take it off! Take it off! Take it off!" Naruto chanted!  
Neji smirked then looked at Choji. " Back off, you've got no chance in this."

_Neji is starting his mental attacks_! Gai thought proudly.

" Are you talking to me?"

" Yes, chubby people got their dicks all covered up with fat. Bet yours won't even be in inches, just centimeters…no wait, make that **millimeters**!"

Choji glared at Neji. " But I'm sure mine is bigger than Sasuke's. Look, he's too ashamed to take his pants off."

" Little prick Sasuke-chan! Little prick Sasuke-chan!" Naruto and a dozen of his Shadow Replicas chanted.

" SHUT UP DOBE!!!" Sasuke screamed, instantly, he whipped off every piece of clothing he has on. Shino, Kiba and even Gaara followed suit.

" What the hell are you doing?" Kankuro screamed at his brother.

Gaara looked at him square in the eye.

" I want to prove my existence, by showing I have the biggest of them all!!!"

Kankuro hung her head, and then he felt all eyes are staring at him. He looked at the door, and he saw the naked, hairy jounin standing before it, looking at him and tapping his foot impatiently.

" Looks like I have no choice." Kankuro said in defeat as he pulled down his shorts.

Everyone in the room cheered wildly.

Inside the cabinet, Sakura was growing desperate.

" I need to get out of here before…"

" Wait everyone!!!" Jiraiya's voice boomed.

" What?"

Jiraiya smiled naughtily.

" We can't have a male judge, he might only cheat!"

" What do you say we do?" Asuma asked.

Jiraiya clicked his tongue and smiled.

" For contests of this nature, a female judge is always the best!"

" A female…" Naruto began.

" …Judge." Sasuke continued, a wicked glint in his eyes.

From inside the cabinet, Haruno Sakura heard all of it and now, she feels all the eyes drawn to the cabinet where she is hiding!!!

" Oh no!!!"

" What the hell's going on here!?!" Tsunade-hime (a.k.a. Go-daime Hokage, a.k.a The Legendary Sucker, a.k.a. Tsunade-bachan) shouted as she just saw a screaming Sakura tearing across the corridor in record speed! The kunoichi of the Sannins followed her with a stare. A rumbling sound awakened Shizune from her slumber. She went to the door sleepily and reached it just in time to see wave upon wave upon wave of naked jounins and gennins scrambling after someone.

" What the hell is that?" Tsunade and Shizune asked in stunned unison.

The noise had awakened the girls in Kurenai's room. The beautiful instructor put a robe on and went to the door. With a peek, she realized instantly what is happening and quickly shut the door.

" What is that Kurenai?" Anko asked.

Kurenai was blushing. " It's nothing."

" Bah!" Anko snapped as she brushed Kurenai aside. Tenten, Ino and Hinata followed her. The snake-lady pulled the door open and a beaming, naked Kakashi was revealed.

He smiled at the women.

" Good morning everybody!" he greeted, and in a flash was gone.

The women were dumb-founded.

Next came a streaking Sasuke, his face in concentration. Ino let out a cry and fainted to the floor, then it was Tenten's turn as Neji sprinted past.

" Kurenai! Kurenai! Help me out here! Hinata! Oh no…" Anko said.

Hinata, she stood there with mouth wide open, her face was various shade of scarlet.

Uzumaki Naruto waved a hand at her and smiled.

" Watch me defeat Neji, Hinata! I'll show him I have the bigger dick!" the fox kid announced as he ran past the trembling Hyuuga maiden.

" Hinata! Hinata!" Anko called but Hinata paid no attention.

Kurenai checked on Hinata and was not surprised. She had fainted standing up!

Iruka-sensei should have stayed in his room. A strange ruckus woke him up so he got up to check what is going on. His damned fault, the first thing he saw was a screaming blur of red and pink. The next thing he knew, those naked jounins had grabbed him, stripped him off his clothes and is now carrying him over their heads to a destination only God knows where.

Sakura could not believe she could ever ran that fast! She is shrieking wildly, flailing her arms in all directions!

Inner Sakura sez: "I'm the luckiest bitch in the world! Look at me! Being chased by a bunch of naked guys!!!"

Sakura opened her mouth and screamed…

" **ALL I EVER WANT IS TO SLEEP!!!!!!**"


End file.
